I would like one day where feel normal. you know the normal where your joints don't hurt so bad its all you can do to walk across the room. The normal where your head doesn't hurt so bad you cant even open your eyes. The normal where stomach doesn't hurt so bad you cant even move from the fetal position your laying in on the couch.
I want to not have to ask thousands of questions when I go out to eat just to find out that the restaurant you're at doesn't have any thing you can actually eat. I want to not have to wash my hands 10,ooo times after I touch a "normal" piece of bread. I want to be able to go to a social event and be able to eat anything and everything. I want to be able to go to a friends house to spend the night and not have to bring my own meals. I want to be able to eat that ice cream from diary queen that my whole family is eating right in front of me. or even those fries that stranger is eating behind me. I want to not be worried about my body attacking itself and shutting down. I want to not have a fear of passing my illness down to my kids and them living in pain for the rest of their life. I want to not wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to move because somebody dropped their fry on my food without telling me. I then realize that I will never be normal because there is no cure. I will never be able to walk into a donut shop and eat a donut. I will never be able to able to share cake with my little brother at his birthday party and I'll never be able to eat my favorite meal again. when I first realized this I cried and cried for hours on end, whether it be in the grocery store, a restaurant, or even my mom and dads arms. I was beyond angry at the several doctors who told me I was faking and there was nothing wrong with me all while my body was attacking itself and making my condition worse. I was angry at my family for eating that piece of cake in front of me. I cried in my favorite restaurant because I had to watch everybody around me eat things I will never be able to have again. I was angry at friends for saying "oh, you cant have this ever again can you? I then realize that maybe being normal is to much to ask and that it is never going to happen...
